Sunday August 17, 2008 : What I ate today

Sunday August 17, 2008

What I ate today.
Breakfast : ½ a baguette of fried bread and fresh brewed Cameroonian coffee.
Lunch : 1 unripe plantain - fried with salt.
Snacks : an orange, a protein bar, roasted peanuts, peanut butter crackers.
Dinner : a fried egg on fried bread, spread with processed cheese; more peanuts.

What I wanted to eat today
Breakfast : pancakes with jam and bacon (I dreamed about pancakes last night !).
Lunch : chicken ceasar salad with a nice light ceasar dressing.
Snacks : an orange and a cinnabun !!!
Dinner : surprise me – PLEASE !!

I stayed home today ‘cause I didn’t want to see anyone or deal with their village ways. Everyone at the Pentecostal church is sure that I have fallen from grace and an nearly about to abandon the faith altogether !! I have painstakingly explained that I cannot stand all the foolishness that goes on there. The general consensus is that I should tolerate it anyway (they don’t deny that folks act a fool there!!) and keep torturing myself for the sake - Of others? The church? Christ Himself? I don’t know and neither do they. So, as it stands, I don’t go to church as often as I go into town for beer with friends.

I came here so full of purpose and confidence, then after 6 months at post of pushing and trying, I just fell down. Folks here are stubborn and resistant to change. Americans want to change everything they see and touch. A major culture clash ! I was emotionally spent and became acutely homesick. I pulled back from all my unsuccessful endeavors and tried to regroup. That was in April. May and June were slow months for me. I stopped trying so hard and spent more time socializing, and making peace with the idea that the rest of my time spent in village could possibly be totally non-productive. In the end, I decided I’m okay with that. Africa may not be impacted by me but I have certainly been impacted by her.

I know I have been in the throws of a spiritual crisis for the last few months, but I do believe I am starting to climb out of it. I am finally reading my bible again and finding a lot of strength and encouragement from passages about patience and perseverance. I feel quite useless here most days but I am just not ready to throw in the towel and quit. I hope that if I just stay in the game that maybe some opportunity will open up that allows me to exercise and share some of my skills and talents. After all, what on earth else is there to do if we are not chasing after some dream or idea that challenges us to rise a little higher, fight a little longer, and grow a little wiser…….

A good day consists of :
Eating well and/or eating foods that I enjoy.
Not having the runs.
Not being asked for money.
Not being propositioned by some creepy, married, middle-aged man.
Not being hit on by some cocky young, 30-something dude.
Not being looked at in a suggestive way by some creepy lycee student.
Not being lied to ( sorry this one’s impossible – You gotta lie to the white woman – you never know – it might pay off).
Spending pleasant moments with friends I have in village (this happens regularly- so my social life is pretty healthy!).

Next time I will write about pleasant experiences I have here.
They are numerous and frequent. Today I am just feeling grumpy and far from home.
It’s 8:15 pm - I’ll do a few sudoku puzzles and go to bed.
Tomorrow is another day. . . .
The beginning of a new week . . . .
And I have a sassy new purple wrap skirt to wear !!

That’s all for now,
Much love,
Christine