Hya - here's the link to my Picasa site to view lots of photos - enjoy !!
http://picasaweb.google.com/christine.shutterbug
Friday, September 12, 2008
Sunday August 17, 2008 : What I ate today
Sunday August 17, 2008
What I ate today.
Breakfast : ½ a baguette of fried bread and fresh brewed Cameroonian coffee.
Lunch : 1 unripe plantain - fried with salt.
Snacks : an orange, a protein bar, roasted peanuts, peanut butter crackers.
Dinner : a fried egg on fried bread, spread with processed cheese; more peanuts.
What I wanted to eat today
Breakfast : pancakes with jam and bacon (I dreamed about pancakes last night !).
Lunch : chicken ceasar salad with a nice light ceasar dressing.
Snacks : an orange and a cinnabun !!!
Dinner : surprise me – PLEASE !!
I stayed home today ‘cause I didn’t want to see anyone or deal with their village ways. Everyone at the Pentecostal church is sure that I have fallen from grace and an nearly about to abandon the faith altogether !! I have painstakingly explained that I cannot stand all the foolishness that goes on there. The general consensus is that I should tolerate it anyway (they don’t deny that folks act a fool there!!) and keep torturing myself for the sake - Of others? The church? Christ Himself? I don’t know and neither do they. So, as it stands, I don’t go to church as often as I go into town for beer with friends.
I came here so full of purpose and confidence, then after 6 months at post of pushing and trying, I just fell down. Folks here are stubborn and resistant to change. Americans want to change everything they see and touch. A major culture clash ! I was emotionally spent and became acutely homesick. I pulled back from all my unsuccessful endeavors and tried to regroup. That was in April. May and June were slow months for me. I stopped trying so hard and spent more time socializing, and making peace with the idea that the rest of my time spent in village could possibly be totally non-productive. In the end, I decided I’m okay with that. Africa may not be impacted by me but I have certainly been impacted by her.
I know I have been in the throws of a spiritual crisis for the last few months, but I do believe I am starting to climb out of it. I am finally reading my bible again and finding a lot of strength and encouragement from passages about patience and perseverance. I feel quite useless here most days but I am just not ready to throw in the towel and quit. I hope that if I just stay in the game that maybe some opportunity will open up that allows me to exercise and share some of my skills and talents. After all, what on earth else is there to do if we are not chasing after some dream or idea that challenges us to rise a little higher, fight a little longer, and grow a little wiser…….
A good day consists of :
Eating well and/or eating foods that I enjoy.
Not having the runs.
Not being asked for money.
Not being propositioned by some creepy, married, middle-aged man.
Not being hit on by some cocky young, 30-something dude.
Not being looked at in a suggestive way by some creepy lycee student.
Not being lied to ( sorry this one’s impossible – You gotta lie to the white woman – you never know – it might pay off).
Spending pleasant moments with friends I have in village (this happens regularly- so my social life is pretty healthy!).
Next time I will write about pleasant experiences I have here.
They are numerous and frequent. Today I am just feeling grumpy and far from home.
It’s 8:15 pm - I’ll do a few sudoku puzzles and go to bed.
Tomorrow is another day. . . .
The beginning of a new week . . . .
And I have a sassy new purple wrap skirt to wear !!
That’s all for now,
Much love,
Christine
What I ate today.
Breakfast : ½ a baguette of fried bread and fresh brewed Cameroonian coffee.
Lunch : 1 unripe plantain - fried with salt.
Snacks : an orange, a protein bar, roasted peanuts, peanut butter crackers.
Dinner : a fried egg on fried bread, spread with processed cheese; more peanuts.
What I wanted to eat today
Breakfast : pancakes with jam and bacon (I dreamed about pancakes last night !).
Lunch : chicken ceasar salad with a nice light ceasar dressing.
Snacks : an orange and a cinnabun !!!
Dinner : surprise me – PLEASE !!
I stayed home today ‘cause I didn’t want to see anyone or deal with their village ways. Everyone at the Pentecostal church is sure that I have fallen from grace and an nearly about to abandon the faith altogether !! I have painstakingly explained that I cannot stand all the foolishness that goes on there. The general consensus is that I should tolerate it anyway (they don’t deny that folks act a fool there!!) and keep torturing myself for the sake - Of others? The church? Christ Himself? I don’t know and neither do they. So, as it stands, I don’t go to church as often as I go into town for beer with friends.
I came here so full of purpose and confidence, then after 6 months at post of pushing and trying, I just fell down. Folks here are stubborn and resistant to change. Americans want to change everything they see and touch. A major culture clash ! I was emotionally spent and became acutely homesick. I pulled back from all my unsuccessful endeavors and tried to regroup. That was in April. May and June were slow months for me. I stopped trying so hard and spent more time socializing, and making peace with the idea that the rest of my time spent in village could possibly be totally non-productive. In the end, I decided I’m okay with that. Africa may not be impacted by me but I have certainly been impacted by her.
I know I have been in the throws of a spiritual crisis for the last few months, but I do believe I am starting to climb out of it. I am finally reading my bible again and finding a lot of strength and encouragement from passages about patience and perseverance. I feel quite useless here most days but I am just not ready to throw in the towel and quit. I hope that if I just stay in the game that maybe some opportunity will open up that allows me to exercise and share some of my skills and talents. After all, what on earth else is there to do if we are not chasing after some dream or idea that challenges us to rise a little higher, fight a little longer, and grow a little wiser…….
A good day consists of :
Eating well and/or eating foods that I enjoy.
Not having the runs.
Not being asked for money.
Not being propositioned by some creepy, married, middle-aged man.
Not being hit on by some cocky young, 30-something dude.
Not being looked at in a suggestive way by some creepy lycee student.
Not being lied to ( sorry this one’s impossible – You gotta lie to the white woman – you never know – it might pay off).
Spending pleasant moments with friends I have in village (this happens regularly- so my social life is pretty healthy!).
Next time I will write about pleasant experiences I have here.
They are numerous and frequent. Today I am just feeling grumpy and far from home.
It’s 8:15 pm - I’ll do a few sudoku puzzles and go to bed.
Tomorrow is another day. . . .
The beginning of a new week . . . .
And I have a sassy new purple wrap skirt to wear !!
That’s all for now,
Much love,
Christine
July 24, 2008
JULY 24, 2008
This place is a wild ride and most days I esteem the adventure worth the cost, but there are those times when I just long for the small comforts that I am familiar with – like hot water, good coffee, a fresh salad and jazz music. I was bummed to hear that one of my favourite coffee houses in Culver City - Synergy Café - is no longer…….
I sure the Metro Café is still going strong !!
This place is a wild ride and most days I esteem the adventure worth the cost, but there are those times when I just long for the small comforts that I am familiar with – like hot water, good coffee, a fresh salad and jazz music. I was bummed to hear that one of my favourite coffee houses in Culver City - Synergy Café - is no longer…….
I sure the Metro Café is still going strong !!
May 31, 2008 : Greetings All
May 31 2008 Greetings All
Greetings all - I hope all is well with you and your families. I’m more or less emotionally stable these days. My daughter calls me regularly and sends care packages !! I have a great post mate, with whom I REALLY get along – so we are a solid support to one another. There is also a linguist/missionary here who has lived in Africa for the last 15 years and is translating the bible into several local languages – he is a very interesting dude and he has a truck. A good man to know!!. I also have a few reliable friends in village to help me pass the time and fill me in on all the cultural undercurrents that I usually miss.
The situation where I work is a gooey, conglomerated mess of corruption, incompetence, inertia, foolishness, childishness, and simple village ignorance that is completely out of my hands to fix. I am learning patience and faith each day!! This is also why I drink beer from time to time. Basically any man in town with an above-average IQ drinks heavily – because they see and understand too much but feel powerless to fight any of it. Or they have tried and been crushed by the sheer weight of the plight of their country. My experience here is not the same as the lives of my neighbors. I have choices and freedoms afforded me by my education and economic status that most women here cannot even imagine for themselves. It is heartbreaking. Kind of a downer, huh?? Mostly, this is why I havn’t written much lately – I just don’t have too much good stuff to say. Africa is a savagely beautiful and achingly sad place in so many ways…..I thank God often for this remarkable opportunity, but the experience is very challenging nearly everyday.
Greetings all - I hope all is well with you and your families. I’m more or less emotionally stable these days. My daughter calls me regularly and sends care packages !! I have a great post mate, with whom I REALLY get along – so we are a solid support to one another. There is also a linguist/missionary here who has lived in Africa for the last 15 years and is translating the bible into several local languages – he is a very interesting dude and he has a truck. A good man to know!!. I also have a few reliable friends in village to help me pass the time and fill me in on all the cultural undercurrents that I usually miss.
The situation where I work is a gooey, conglomerated mess of corruption, incompetence, inertia, foolishness, childishness, and simple village ignorance that is completely out of my hands to fix. I am learning patience and faith each day!! This is also why I drink beer from time to time. Basically any man in town with an above-average IQ drinks heavily – because they see and understand too much but feel powerless to fight any of it. Or they have tried and been crushed by the sheer weight of the plight of their country. My experience here is not the same as the lives of my neighbors. I have choices and freedoms afforded me by my education and economic status that most women here cannot even imagine for themselves. It is heartbreaking. Kind of a downer, huh?? Mostly, this is why I havn’t written much lately – I just don’t have too much good stuff to say. Africa is a savagely beautiful and achingly sad place in so many ways…..I thank God often for this remarkable opportunity, but the experience is very challenging nearly everyday.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
December 28, 2007 : Christmas in Cameroon
I had a fun Christmas too and I appreciate the fact that the weather and traditions are so different here that it did not really feel like Christmas back home. I think I would have been more homesick if it felt more like a traditional Christmas. I have a post mate here in Lolodorf, she is a health volunteer and her name is Megan. She’s 24, from Chicago and she’s very nice. We get along great and it is a wonderful relief to have someone to talk to that understands what you’re feeling, because sometimes the cultural divide is so huge that you wonder if you can ever really cross it to connect with people here. Christmas Eve we went out to the local night club with some male friends and we also spent Christmas day together with a family here. All in all a good time was had by all and the holiday passed without incident or massive depressive episodes for both of us .
Every once in a while (but not too often) I just MISS my loved ones back home. When it happens, I embrace the moment and search my memory for some sweet time that we spent together. I run it thru my mind and enjoy it again because I know that we have such love in our family and there are many more good memories to come. That love keeps me strong on days when I feel like everyone here just wants a piece of me. I remind myself that someone loves me – as I am; without wanting more – and that gets me thru the tough spots when I feel under appreciated here.
I am learning day by day to live by faith and it is a wild ride that never disappoints !! I have to trust God every day and seek His wisdom for each small decision that I make. The consequences here of poor judgment could endanger my health or even my life. Desperate poverty makes some people desperate, but I am fortunate to have enough reliable friends in the village who watch out for me. They tell me the truth, they watch my back, they help me find reliable people to get my household stuff done- like drawing water from the well or cutting my grass with a machete !! I do my own laundry every two days – by hand – and hang it on the line to dry. I eat at the local cafes in town. It’s cheaper and easier to spent CFA500 (about $1) on a hot, semi balanced meal, than to try to cook for myself.
Every once in a while (but not too often) I just MISS my loved ones back home. When it happens, I embrace the moment and search my memory for some sweet time that we spent together. I run it thru my mind and enjoy it again because I know that we have such love in our family and there are many more good memories to come. That love keeps me strong on days when I feel like everyone here just wants a piece of me. I remind myself that someone loves me – as I am; without wanting more – and that gets me thru the tough spots when I feel under appreciated here.
I am learning day by day to live by faith and it is a wild ride that never disappoints !! I have to trust God every day and seek His wisdom for each small decision that I make. The consequences here of poor judgment could endanger my health or even my life. Desperate poverty makes some people desperate, but I am fortunate to have enough reliable friends in the village who watch out for me. They tell me the truth, they watch my back, they help me find reliable people to get my household stuff done- like drawing water from the well or cutting my grass with a machete !! I do my own laundry every two days – by hand – and hang it on the line to dry. I eat at the local cafes in town. It’s cheaper and easier to spent CFA500 (about $1) on a hot, semi balanced meal, than to try to cook for myself.
November 30; 2007 : What I’ve learned from my mom’s illness and death
1. Some things just suck and you have to go through them.
2. I can tell you this - - that although it stings, it is MUCH better to explore your feelings and allow them to be expressed, then to push them away. You have a right to feel angry, to feel frustrated, to feel lost, to feel scared, or what ever else pops up. Acknowledge it, feel it, discuss it if you can, then give it to Jesus and tell Him it’s a big, sucky mess and He has to help you through it or you’ll never make it. The more you can deal with while the person is still alive- the better for both of you.
3. Say every good thing you ever wanted to say to them. Thank them for being a good parent (or at least give them credit for doing the best they knew how under the circumstances) and tell them all the stuff you appreciated about your childhood that was thanks to them. Don’t leave anything out !!! It will be a great comfort to you in future days.
4. Grief is a natural and healthy part of our life’s experiences. If we do not allow it to run its course it can fester and turn into something that rots in your soul. We tend to have a lot of conflicted feelings when we are facing the passing of a loved one. For example, I realized that I was profoundly disappointed in my mom for not trying harder to be a better mother to me. That’s a pretty darn selfish attitude to have when someone is dying – but that’s how I felt. All I could do was bring it to the Lord over and over again. After she died, every morning I would wake up, cry, and just feel sad for something that I never had with her – a decent loving relationship. I would cry a bit, then pray, then pack a few boxes. On the 3rd day, I realized that a spirit of regret was trying to implant itself in my soul. I rebuked that foul demon and ask God to help my go the through the grieving process in a healthy way.
When I came back to Lolodorf, I spent the first 2 weeks resting and reading. Then the Lord started opening doors in the community and I started to meet decent, motivated people who wanted to learn what I have to offer. Since then, things are moving (mostly) forward and I am learning to go with the flow. Selling all my stuff to move here; seeing the extensive lack here; then dealing with my mom’s death; have really helped me to realize the futility of trying to hold on to too much stuff. I would rather share what I have in hand now and deal with the future as it comes, than try to hoard the scraps that I think I own as a protection against future events.
2. I can tell you this - - that although it stings, it is MUCH better to explore your feelings and allow them to be expressed, then to push them away. You have a right to feel angry, to feel frustrated, to feel lost, to feel scared, or what ever else pops up. Acknowledge it, feel it, discuss it if you can, then give it to Jesus and tell Him it’s a big, sucky mess and He has to help you through it or you’ll never make it. The more you can deal with while the person is still alive- the better for both of you.
3. Say every good thing you ever wanted to say to them. Thank them for being a good parent (or at least give them credit for doing the best they knew how under the circumstances) and tell them all the stuff you appreciated about your childhood that was thanks to them. Don’t leave anything out !!! It will be a great comfort to you in future days.
4. Grief is a natural and healthy part of our life’s experiences. If we do not allow it to run its course it can fester and turn into something that rots in your soul. We tend to have a lot of conflicted feelings when we are facing the passing of a loved one. For example, I realized that I was profoundly disappointed in my mom for not trying harder to be a better mother to me. That’s a pretty darn selfish attitude to have when someone is dying – but that’s how I felt. All I could do was bring it to the Lord over and over again. After she died, every morning I would wake up, cry, and just feel sad for something that I never had with her – a decent loving relationship. I would cry a bit, then pray, then pack a few boxes. On the 3rd day, I realized that a spirit of regret was trying to implant itself in my soul. I rebuked that foul demon and ask God to help my go the through the grieving process in a healthy way.
When I came back to Lolodorf, I spent the first 2 weeks resting and reading. Then the Lord started opening doors in the community and I started to meet decent, motivated people who wanted to learn what I have to offer. Since then, things are moving (mostly) forward and I am learning to go with the flow. Selling all my stuff to move here; seeing the extensive lack here; then dealing with my mom’s death; have really helped me to realize the futility of trying to hold on to too much stuff. I would rather share what I have in hand now and deal with the future as it comes, than try to hoard the scraps that I think I own as a protection against future events.
November 15; 2007 : Meanwhile …back in Lolodorf…
The beginnings here were very difficult and that was when I felt at my most vulnerable. Things are a lot more stable now and I am enjoying my new life. It is sad to admit this, but I felt a burden lift off of me with my mom’s passing. I did not realize to what extent the situation had weighed on my heart and mind for all those months. The essential thing was always that mom make her peace with God and ask Jesus to come into her heart and fill the place with love that had held so much pain for so long. The Lord kept me far away so that she could not rely on me in His place. Each time she talked to me there was so much fear in her and I could do nothing to alleviate it. God is good but people will wear you out!!! Anyway, now is a time of new beginnings and I embrace it. I found it amusing that my best friend in the states and I each think the other is “strong”. I wasn’t feeling very strong, but at least I know how to fall forward!!
I love the long crazy emails that my friends and family have sent. They make me laugh and I feel connected. Sometimes I just need to touch something familiar to remind myself that I am not so isolated. I am slowly making friends and learning how things work here. Sometimes there is all the drama of a sloppy soap opera here in such a small town. Hearing about the adventures of daily life in the sates reminds me that life goes on – everywhere !!
Life here is good – but VERY different. Everyday brings a new unexpected dilemma. For example, Lolodorf now has a cyber café, and Pierrot, the guy who runs it – really knows his stuff. He is nice and intelligent and honest. These also happen to be the three traits that characterize those I call “friends” here. So many people here have their own agenda in dealing with me. Being “white” in Africa means automatically that you are rich, and have access to powerful people to get things done. In some measure they are right, by comparison to their situation, I am rich and powerful. Being “white” is more about being from a developed nation ten about skin color. All Americans, of all colors, are considered “white”. An African, who has traveled, obtained an education and adopted occidental ways, is also called “white man” by his village and family.
Now, back to today’s dilemma, we have a cyber, but power is irregular and he uses a generator when the power is down. Generators are notoriously unstable and often fry the things they are connected to. Well, that is what happened yesterday. It fried his server, modem and another computer. No more Internet for a while until he travels to Yaoundé and buys a new modem – when he can afford it, that is!!!! As I spoke of before, the bank where I work has 5 computers – 3 of which worked before I left. While I was gone certain persons decided that they needed the tables for a political rally downtown. So they came in and put my computers on the ground, pushed buttons on the regulators and left with my tables. (1) It’s been 2 weeks and the tables are still not back. (2) Because the regulators were left depressed – that is ON – the batteries are now ruined and are quite expensive to replace. (3) I was frustrated by the attitude (on the part of certain persons) that I should buy things for the bank - like a projector or a generator. (4) I was also in a bind about preparing lesson plans for the computer classes that I want to launch. Each time I tried to work – the power went out!! (5) I was also concerned about the price we were going to charge for the classes because I think we were going to run into a conflict about how the money should be used (and not end up in someone’s pocket!!) The good news in all this ?!? The good news is that my dilemma with the bank and the computer classes is temporarily resolved. They flocked up the computers and can therefore no longer pressure me about when I will start classes. I can still work offline at Pierrot’s cyber café without the pressure of a deadline, and Pierrot will eventually get another modem. Life will go on and I will too.
I love the long crazy emails that my friends and family have sent. They make me laugh and I feel connected. Sometimes I just need to touch something familiar to remind myself that I am not so isolated. I am slowly making friends and learning how things work here. Sometimes there is all the drama of a sloppy soap opera here in such a small town. Hearing about the adventures of daily life in the sates reminds me that life goes on – everywhere !!
Life here is good – but VERY different. Everyday brings a new unexpected dilemma. For example, Lolodorf now has a cyber café, and Pierrot, the guy who runs it – really knows his stuff. He is nice and intelligent and honest. These also happen to be the three traits that characterize those I call “friends” here. So many people here have their own agenda in dealing with me. Being “white” in Africa means automatically that you are rich, and have access to powerful people to get things done. In some measure they are right, by comparison to their situation, I am rich and powerful. Being “white” is more about being from a developed nation ten about skin color. All Americans, of all colors, are considered “white”. An African, who has traveled, obtained an education and adopted occidental ways, is also called “white man” by his village and family.
Now, back to today’s dilemma, we have a cyber, but power is irregular and he uses a generator when the power is down. Generators are notoriously unstable and often fry the things they are connected to. Well, that is what happened yesterday. It fried his server, modem and another computer. No more Internet for a while until he travels to Yaoundé and buys a new modem – when he can afford it, that is!!!! As I spoke of before, the bank where I work has 5 computers – 3 of which worked before I left. While I was gone certain persons decided that they needed the tables for a political rally downtown. So they came in and put my computers on the ground, pushed buttons on the regulators and left with my tables. (1) It’s been 2 weeks and the tables are still not back. (2) Because the regulators were left depressed – that is ON – the batteries are now ruined and are quite expensive to replace. (3) I was frustrated by the attitude (on the part of certain persons) that I should buy things for the bank - like a projector or a generator. (4) I was also in a bind about preparing lesson plans for the computer classes that I want to launch. Each time I tried to work – the power went out!! (5) I was also concerned about the price we were going to charge for the classes because I think we were going to run into a conflict about how the money should be used (and not end up in someone’s pocket!!) The good news in all this ?!? The good news is that my dilemma with the bank and the computer classes is temporarily resolved. They flocked up the computers and can therefore no longer pressure me about when I will start classes. I can still work offline at Pierrot’s cyber café without the pressure of a deadline, and Pierrot will eventually get another modem. Life will go on and I will too.
October 2007 : Sun City West AZIZONA – life in the fast food lane or how I spent my 2 weeks in the states.
My two weeks in the states were intense for a variety of obvious reasons. The first 5 days found me in an emotional stupor divided between processing the loss of a parent and reconnecting with the friends and family that remain. Christina and I ate a lot of fast food – hot, greasy, excessive and delicious, which we washed down with equal amounts of sodas and Starbucks refreshments. Ahhh……….Two weeks without dried fish or manioc – I hope I will not be too spoiled when I return to the village.
Mom’s neighbors and friends became our neighbors and friends. They carried us through the process and without them we would have found ourselves adrift and frustrated. Thanks again to all the wonderful people of SCW, particularly Len and Melba – you guys rock – and if you’ll have us – Christina and I would like to adopt you as our new parents/grandparents !!!
Mom’s neighbors and friends became our neighbors and friends. They carried us through the process and without them we would have found ourselves adrift and frustrated. Thanks again to all the wonderful people of SCW, particularly Len and Melba – you guys rock – and if you’ll have us – Christina and I would like to adopt you as our new parents/grandparents !!!
Sunday, January 13, 2008
October 17, 2007 : We arrived in time to say goodbye….
Dear friends,My mother passed away peacefully on October 16 at 11:38 pm.
Christina and I both arrived to her bedside Tuesday evening. Mom's condition had been declining rapidly for the last few days and Rosie (her hospice caregiver) informed us that mom was dying - that evening. She had held on bravely awaiting our arrival and we were each able to say what we wanted to say to her. She was aware of our presence and responded both to our voice and our touch. She had made her peace with her Maker and we each made our peace with one another. I spoken softly and kindly to her for about 10 minutes, then I placed my face in her hand and she pressed my face to her chest. I know that she had heard all that I said to her and there was peace between us. I placed her hand on my forehead and received the blessing from her. After this, I was not sure whether to stay or go. Christina wanted to stay and Rosie kindly encouraged us to get some rest as we had both travelled many hours to arrive at mom’s bedside.
Rosie advised us to go home and rest for a while – that she would call if mom began to fade. Both Christina and I were confident that she would see the morning. We got a call about an hour later and rushed back to her side. Mom had just breathed her last as we arrived; this was at 11:38 last night. All in all, I think Rosie was right to send us home for a brief hour. I don't know that watching her die would have been easy to bear.
We will go to the mortuary Thurs morning to make the arrangements. A memorial service will be held next Wednesday morning so that all her friends can attend and I want us to treat it as a celebration of her life.
Christina and I both arrived to her bedside Tuesday evening. Mom's condition had been declining rapidly for the last few days and Rosie (her hospice caregiver) informed us that mom was dying - that evening. She had held on bravely awaiting our arrival and we were each able to say what we wanted to say to her. She was aware of our presence and responded both to our voice and our touch. She had made her peace with her Maker and we each made our peace with one another. I spoken softly and kindly to her for about 10 minutes, then I placed my face in her hand and she pressed my face to her chest. I know that she had heard all that I said to her and there was peace between us. I placed her hand on my forehead and received the blessing from her. After this, I was not sure whether to stay or go. Christina wanted to stay and Rosie kindly encouraged us to get some rest as we had both travelled many hours to arrive at mom’s bedside.
Rosie advised us to go home and rest for a while – that she would call if mom began to fade. Both Christina and I were confident that she would see the morning. We got a call about an hour later and rushed back to her side. Mom had just breathed her last as we arrived; this was at 11:38 last night. All in all, I think Rosie was right to send us home for a brief hour. I don't know that watching her die would have been easy to bear.
We will go to the mortuary Thurs morning to make the arrangements. A memorial service will be held next Wednesday morning so that all her friends can attend and I want us to treat it as a celebration of her life.
October 5, 2007 : Friday - A day in the life…
At 6:00 am I went to the MC2 to check on the program I had left running all night on one of the computers. One of my precious computers has a software problem and I am about out of ideas on how to solve it. We had the good fortune to keep power all night so I wanted to check before we lost it. Well, long story short: power on, computer still flocked. So, at 7 am I headed towards the center of town – that is to say – the one street that runs thru Lolo. As I walked, a woman with a 30 pound (I kid you not) sack of peanuts on her head joined me. We greeted one another and she gave me some news about a woman I had helped about 10 days ago.
About 10 days ago, a woman stood outside the MC2 with a crying infant. The day was hot and still and humid, so I brought her a chair to sit in the shade of our veranda. She told me she was waiting for a moto to take her child to the hospital but she needed 1000 CFA to get there. (The hospital is a 15 minute walk from us and I know it costs about 100 cfa.) I said incredulously ‘A thousand, I don’t think so.’ ‘Well, 500 cfa.’ She said quickly. Still I maintained my innocence and said politely, ‘I don’t think so, its so close, I think it’s about 100 cfa. At this point, I went back inside to talk to my co workers. We all agreed the infant seemed quite ill – she appeared to be having convulsions – so I went back outside and gave her 200 cfa for the round trip. I also told her kindly that it would be better if she didn’t lie about these things and people would help her. She quickly corrected me and said that she did not ask for 1000 cfa, but that she has 1000 cfa and needed change…………Anyway……….she had the cash and I asked a friend with a moto to take her to the hospital. About an hour later, Jack tells me that she did not want to go to the hospital but went to a local healer instead….What can you do ?!?!
The news I received this morning is that the baby had died this past Monday. Having shared this news with me, the woman with the heavy sack on her head wanted to know if I could give her 200 cfa also (this is my life as the high rollin’ blanche in town) I said ‘No, if I start doing this I will need to carry a large sack of change with me for all those who will ask.’ She understood and we continued to walk and chat. She was a nice older lady with a heavy sack on her head and most people here figure there’s no harm in asking.
I spent the next 45 minutes visiting with the cool, kind hearted woman who makes breakfast for me a few days a week. My ‘usual’ is: a two-egg spaghetti omelette; a cup of Nescafe instant coffee sweetened with thick syrupy condensed milk, and a small section of baguette. It’s really good!!
As I waited for my breakfast, up the street two women were preparing to slaughter a pig. He was huge – easily over 300 pounds – and they were having trouble getting him off his feet and onto his back. Throughout their efforts, which took about five minutes, the pig just screamed. Having never experienced farm life I was not really aware of the sounds that animals make. I can now tell you that most animals scream before being slaughtered. The same is true of goats. It is the most heart wrenching sound because it sounds almost human. Suddenly the screaming ceased as did the pig’s efforts to wriggle out of their grasp.
After this, one of the local government employees saw me and came over to say hi. He’s Anglophone, so we spoke in English. He works in agriculture with the local farmers so when he told me he would like us to work on a project together, I enthusiastically agreed. We stepped out side the omelette shack to discuss it further. Turns out his ‘big project’ is helping him get a visa to go to the USA!!! Sh*t. Do I really need to elaborate? I patiently explained I was not available to help him with his personal plans. He was cool about – who knows we may actually find something legit to work on together…..or not. Soon after, my delicious omelette and hot steaming coffee were ready. Ah, this morning is already off to a rare start ;-) !!!!!
I finished my breakfast with out further incident and headed back to the MC2 at 8:30 am. My belly was full and we had power - this could possibly be a very productive day!! I fiddled with the computers in the lab next to the MC2 for the next two hours until we lost power. Lately, it seems that I find more problems with the computers than solutions. We had jammin’ ITunes on one computer, but I think someone was in here and fiddled around with it – cuz now we don’t !!!
At 10:30 am with no power and no confidence that I can get enough of these ‘boxes’ (computers or massive door stops – you decide) to work long enough to teach computer classes, I headed into the main room of the MC2. Everything is done manually, so one of my tasks is to audit the daily withdrawals and deposits that are recoded on each bank members’ cards. I did that until noon then headed home for the ‘pause’. The ‘pause’ is the 1.5 – 2 hour lunch break that the bank staff takes at noon. I also go home because there is no bathroom at the bank and I still refuse to squat and pee in public. A girl’s gotta maintain some kind of standards; n’est pas ?!?!
I went home; made a cheese sandwich with a half baguette and processed Vache Qui Rie cheese; then washed it down with a yummy grapefruit soda. I tried to do a bit of paperwork before heading back to the bank. Once again at the MC2, we had more computer problems at the cashier’s and accountant’s desks….. (enough said on that subject).
The rain started to really pour about 3:00 pm. We still had power, so I spent some time writing emails while waiting for the rain to stop. Around 6:00 pm, the rain finally slowed from a torrent to just really raining, so I finally headed to Yvette’s house to get some dinner. The walk in the rain to get dinner was well worth the effort - dinner was delicious - a tasty tomato broth with meat and rice. People here believe that fat and some skin is better than meat alone because it’s not good to eat too much lean meat…….What can you do – there’s times when I just nod and keep my mouth shut. I picked around the fat and skin and ate all the ‘unhealthy’ lean beef !! Later, I returned home and closed my evening with some chocolate cookies and more pamplemousse (grapefruit) soda. I spent some time contemplating what to do for the next 2 years, and by 9:00 it was time for bed.
Safe and sound under my mosquito net, with the rain still falling outside, I slept and dreamt……..
I swear on my spaghetti omelette all this is true and it really did happen ALL in one day!!!!!
much love - Christine ;-)
About 10 days ago, a woman stood outside the MC2 with a crying infant. The day was hot and still and humid, so I brought her a chair to sit in the shade of our veranda. She told me she was waiting for a moto to take her child to the hospital but she needed 1000 CFA to get there. (The hospital is a 15 minute walk from us and I know it costs about 100 cfa.) I said incredulously ‘A thousand, I don’t think so.’ ‘Well, 500 cfa.’ She said quickly. Still I maintained my innocence and said politely, ‘I don’t think so, its so close, I think it’s about 100 cfa. At this point, I went back inside to talk to my co workers. We all agreed the infant seemed quite ill – she appeared to be having convulsions – so I went back outside and gave her 200 cfa for the round trip. I also told her kindly that it would be better if she didn’t lie about these things and people would help her. She quickly corrected me and said that she did not ask for 1000 cfa, but that she has 1000 cfa and needed change…………Anyway……….she had the cash and I asked a friend with a moto to take her to the hospital. About an hour later, Jack tells me that she did not want to go to the hospital but went to a local healer instead….What can you do ?!?!
The news I received this morning is that the baby had died this past Monday. Having shared this news with me, the woman with the heavy sack on her head wanted to know if I could give her 200 cfa also (this is my life as the high rollin’ blanche in town) I said ‘No, if I start doing this I will need to carry a large sack of change with me for all those who will ask.’ She understood and we continued to walk and chat. She was a nice older lady with a heavy sack on her head and most people here figure there’s no harm in asking.
I spent the next 45 minutes visiting with the cool, kind hearted woman who makes breakfast for me a few days a week. My ‘usual’ is: a two-egg spaghetti omelette; a cup of Nescafe instant coffee sweetened with thick syrupy condensed milk, and a small section of baguette. It’s really good!!
As I waited for my breakfast, up the street two women were preparing to slaughter a pig. He was huge – easily over 300 pounds – and they were having trouble getting him off his feet and onto his back. Throughout their efforts, which took about five minutes, the pig just screamed. Having never experienced farm life I was not really aware of the sounds that animals make. I can now tell you that most animals scream before being slaughtered. The same is true of goats. It is the most heart wrenching sound because it sounds almost human. Suddenly the screaming ceased as did the pig’s efforts to wriggle out of their grasp.
After this, one of the local government employees saw me and came over to say hi. He’s Anglophone, so we spoke in English. He works in agriculture with the local farmers so when he told me he would like us to work on a project together, I enthusiastically agreed. We stepped out side the omelette shack to discuss it further. Turns out his ‘big project’ is helping him get a visa to go to the USA!!! Sh*t. Do I really need to elaborate? I patiently explained I was not available to help him with his personal plans. He was cool about – who knows we may actually find something legit to work on together…..or not. Soon after, my delicious omelette and hot steaming coffee were ready. Ah, this morning is already off to a rare start ;-) !!!!!
I finished my breakfast with out further incident and headed back to the MC2 at 8:30 am. My belly was full and we had power - this could possibly be a very productive day!! I fiddled with the computers in the lab next to the MC2 for the next two hours until we lost power. Lately, it seems that I find more problems with the computers than solutions. We had jammin’ ITunes on one computer, but I think someone was in here and fiddled around with it – cuz now we don’t !!!
At 10:30 am with no power and no confidence that I can get enough of these ‘boxes’ (computers or massive door stops – you decide) to work long enough to teach computer classes, I headed into the main room of the MC2. Everything is done manually, so one of my tasks is to audit the daily withdrawals and deposits that are recoded on each bank members’ cards. I did that until noon then headed home for the ‘pause’. The ‘pause’ is the 1.5 – 2 hour lunch break that the bank staff takes at noon. I also go home because there is no bathroom at the bank and I still refuse to squat and pee in public. A girl’s gotta maintain some kind of standards; n’est pas ?!?!
I went home; made a cheese sandwich with a half baguette and processed Vache Qui Rie cheese; then washed it down with a yummy grapefruit soda. I tried to do a bit of paperwork before heading back to the bank. Once again at the MC2, we had more computer problems at the cashier’s and accountant’s desks….. (enough said on that subject).
The rain started to really pour about 3:00 pm. We still had power, so I spent some time writing emails while waiting for the rain to stop. Around 6:00 pm, the rain finally slowed from a torrent to just really raining, so I finally headed to Yvette’s house to get some dinner. The walk in the rain to get dinner was well worth the effort - dinner was delicious - a tasty tomato broth with meat and rice. People here believe that fat and some skin is better than meat alone because it’s not good to eat too much lean meat…….What can you do – there’s times when I just nod and keep my mouth shut. I picked around the fat and skin and ate all the ‘unhealthy’ lean beef !! Later, I returned home and closed my evening with some chocolate cookies and more pamplemousse (grapefruit) soda. I spent some time contemplating what to do for the next 2 years, and by 9:00 it was time for bed.
Safe and sound under my mosquito net, with the rain still falling outside, I slept and dreamt……..
I swear on my spaghetti omelette all this is true and it really did happen ALL in one day!!!!!
much love - Christine ;-)
September 24 2007 : Preparations for dealing with loss.
Yes indeed - God is good and He does wonders. With me being so far away, my daughter has now learned to lean more fully on the Lord. To hear her speak with such faith fills my heart with joy like nothing else could. To hear from her that my mom is also softening and has opened her heart to the Lord is awesome. My heart is now at peace.
The wonders continue to accumulate. When possible, I attend church with people that I know here. Last week I went with a co worker at the bank. She said she went to a full gospel church and I was happy to hear that but still skeptical of what I would find.
Well, in short, the pastor speaks the truth, and preaches the word of faith with confidence and compassion. He came immediately to see me as soon as Marie told him about the news I had recd from the states. At that time, the Lord had told me everything would be alright and would work out, but my mind was racked with guilt because I thought I needed to stay with mom until the end and also take care of all her affairs. This would mean I would have to give up my Peace Corps dream. It was a choice I could not make. The pastor and I prayed and he showed me Genesis 12 where God calls Abraham to leave his country and his kin for a land that the Lord would show him. Unfortunately, he took Lot with him and this hindered him. I know that God sent me here but I was carrying guilt about mom on my back. We prayed and I felt the burden lift from my mind and evaporate like tiny bubbles above my head!!!
I have decided to return to the USA – to see mom and say that things that need to be said so that we part in peace and love. I will return to Cameroon and complete my serve here because I know this is where I will find my healing and consolation. The choice has not been easy, but my mind is clear and my heart is set – I know this is the right thing to do.
Love - Christine
The wonders continue to accumulate. When possible, I attend church with people that I know here. Last week I went with a co worker at the bank. She said she went to a full gospel church and I was happy to hear that but still skeptical of what I would find.
Well, in short, the pastor speaks the truth, and preaches the word of faith with confidence and compassion. He came immediately to see me as soon as Marie told him about the news I had recd from the states. At that time, the Lord had told me everything would be alright and would work out, but my mind was racked with guilt because I thought I needed to stay with mom until the end and also take care of all her affairs. This would mean I would have to give up my Peace Corps dream. It was a choice I could not make. The pastor and I prayed and he showed me Genesis 12 where God calls Abraham to leave his country and his kin for a land that the Lord would show him. Unfortunately, he took Lot with him and this hindered him. I know that God sent me here but I was carrying guilt about mom on my back. We prayed and I felt the burden lift from my mind and evaporate like tiny bubbles above my head!!!
I have decided to return to the USA – to see mom and say that things that need to be said so that we part in peace and love. I will return to Cameroon and complete my serve here because I know this is where I will find my healing and consolation. The choice has not been easy, but my mind is clear and my heart is set – I know this is the right thing to do.
Love - Christine
September 20, 2007 : Sad news from home – my mom is very ill
Unfortunately, I have just recd sad news from home. My mom is very ill. The cancer has returned to her lungs and the doctor says the tumor is very aggressive. They have told her they cannot stop it and she has about 3 months to live. Needles to say, when I called her last week and heard this news, I was stunned. I could not tell anyone or talk about it for the first few days. Finally, I told a few friends here in town and also called my daughter. She has been a great source of strength and support. She is taking care of things in the states and Peace Corps has approved my flight to Phoenix to see my mom and say goodbye.
Peace Corps gave me 2 weeks to visit her and said I could request additional time when I arrive in the states. So we will see how that goes…..I was really freaked out at first, but I am okay now. My daughter has been great - supportive, helpful, and reliable. I asked Peace Corps to schedule my flight about Oct 10-12. I would like to be in PHX on or before Oct 15. I will be in the states the last half of October.
My mom will be in hospice care which means she will finish her days in a pleasant home environment with qualified medical care rather than in a hospital.
Peace Corps gave me 2 weeks to visit her and said I could request additional time when I arrive in the states. So we will see how that goes…..I was really freaked out at first, but I am okay now. My daughter has been great - supportive, helpful, and reliable. I asked Peace Corps to schedule my flight about Oct 10-12. I would like to be in PHX on or before Oct 15. I will be in the states the last half of October.
My mom will be in hospice care which means she will finish her days in a pleasant home environment with qualified medical care rather than in a hospital.
September 22, 2007 : Paradise Found (cont)
The first 3 months of training were exhausting but now that I am settling in at post and things are calming down. I am developing my routines and making friends in the village.
I am doing very well here in Lolodorf. Now is the season of heavy rains here in the south province, so it rains everyday but the weather is not cold. I eat well and sleep well each night. The Katchumba family helps me with many things. The mama, Yvette, cooks for me each day. It is easier for me to pay her a small amount each day for dinner than to cook for myself !! Everything I eat still gives me varying degrees of the runs but at least I’m not constipated!! I go into town a few days a week for my favorite breakfast - a spaghetti omelet, a bit of bread and a hot yummy cup of Nescafe. The coffee is probably not helping the digestive situation - but a girl needs her comforts from time to time ;-). Also, I think its official now - I’m pretty sure I do not like manioc (cassava) in any of its forms (but I still eat it a few times each week in small quantities).
I spend my days at the MC 2, which is a community credit union. I am learning what each person does at the bank and also how the bank functions. There is a room at the bank with 5 computers. Ata, the volunteer before me, obtained the computers for the MC 2. Currently only 3 of them work, but we hope to get the 4th one working soon. I will teach computer classes to students and adults, but first, I have to develop the lesson plans. I will also work with the Boys Club and the Girls Club soon. I do not know what I will do, but I think it will be a lot of fun. I also plan to find a tutor at the lycée to help me with my French grammar and pronunciation.
In the afternoon I take long walks to discover the countryside. It’s beautiful here - I live in the rain forest. The Lokoundje River runs past the town and there is a new bridge just outside of town where I can walk down and sit near the river and watch it pass. The sound of the water is very soothing, the hillside is covered with beautiful green trees and plants, and the birds sing. It is beautiful and peaceful. I sometimes sit there and read my bible.
Also Lolodorf now has a cyber café, which means I can access email regularly. Regularly - meaning - when the power and phone service are active !!
Ciao - Christine
I am doing very well here in Lolodorf. Now is the season of heavy rains here in the south province, so it rains everyday but the weather is not cold. I eat well and sleep well each night. The Katchumba family helps me with many things. The mama, Yvette, cooks for me each day. It is easier for me to pay her a small amount each day for dinner than to cook for myself !! Everything I eat still gives me varying degrees of the runs but at least I’m not constipated!! I go into town a few days a week for my favorite breakfast - a spaghetti omelet, a bit of bread and a hot yummy cup of Nescafe. The coffee is probably not helping the digestive situation - but a girl needs her comforts from time to time ;-). Also, I think its official now - I’m pretty sure I do not like manioc (cassava) in any of its forms (but I still eat it a few times each week in small quantities).
I spend my days at the MC 2, which is a community credit union. I am learning what each person does at the bank and also how the bank functions. There is a room at the bank with 5 computers. Ata, the volunteer before me, obtained the computers for the MC 2. Currently only 3 of them work, but we hope to get the 4th one working soon. I will teach computer classes to students and adults, but first, I have to develop the lesson plans. I will also work with the Boys Club and the Girls Club soon. I do not know what I will do, but I think it will be a lot of fun. I also plan to find a tutor at the lycée to help me with my French grammar and pronunciation.
In the afternoon I take long walks to discover the countryside. It’s beautiful here - I live in the rain forest. The Lokoundje River runs past the town and there is a new bridge just outside of town where I can walk down and sit near the river and watch it pass. The sound of the water is very soothing, the hillside is covered with beautiful green trees and plants, and the birds sing. It is beautiful and peaceful. I sometimes sit there and read my bible.
Also Lolodorf now has a cyber café, which means I can access email regularly. Regularly - meaning - when the power and phone service are active !!
Ciao - Christine
September 15, 2007 : Paradise Found
Its wild, its crazy, the roosters start crowing at 4 am, the rain pours, and the beer flows - I love it here !!!
I just discovered that there is a cyber cafe in my town, so I will be able to 'talk' to everyone more regularly. You can send emails to me as well. If you do not have my personal email address, you can use my Peace Corps address – all you need to know is my last name to replace the x’s : Cxxxxxxxpccam@yahoo.com
(First initial + last name + PCCAM@YAHOO.COM)
I also have a cell phone. It’s actually nicer than the one I had in the states!! If you look on the internet you can find really cheap international rates on phone cards. I am 8 hours ahead of Los Angeles, so your morning is my afternoon. If you are interested in calling me just send me an email and I will provide you with my phone number in Cameroon.
XOXO
I just discovered that there is a cyber cafe in my town, so I will be able to 'talk' to everyone more regularly. You can send emails to me as well. If you do not have my personal email address, you can use my Peace Corps address – all you need to know is my last name to replace the x’s : Cxxxxxxxpccam@yahoo.com
(First initial + last name + PCCAM@YAHOO.COM)
I also have a cell phone. It’s actually nicer than the one I had in the states!! If you look on the internet you can find really cheap international rates on phone cards. I am 8 hours ahead of Los Angeles, so your morning is my afternoon. If you are interested in calling me just send me an email and I will provide you with my phone number in Cameroon.
XOXO
August 26, 2007 : An African vehicle is never full
The last week has been hectic. We swore in on Wednesday, packed our stuff and traveled to Yaoundé on Thursday morning. Friday morning I traveled - by myself with all my stuff - on a bush taxi to Lolodorf. "My stuff" is a big green metal footlocker, the 2 suitcases I brought from the states, a duffel bag full of books and manuals, a mountain bike, a water filter, and a back pack.
A "bush taxi" is van that travels between villages. Some are smaller and have seats for about 20 people with all the "stuff" loaded on the top. Now, here in Africa, if a van "seats 20 people" that means we can pack in about 30 people !! And they do - every time !! So its 3 to 4 hours shoulder to shoulder and thigh to thigh with your neighbors, who sometimes carry children or live chickens on their laps - really. Goats are too big to fit in the bush taxi so they get tied up - on top - really !!
Anyway, back to my itinerary, I traveled to my post, all alone, like a big girl, on Friday. I was super apprehensive that morning about my big adventure and finally starting my new life for the next 2 years. All went well and I spent the first night alone and not nervous or scared in my new house. I spent half the day Sat, cleaning the spiders and spider webs out of my bedroom. I covered my hair with a scarf, my nose and mouth with another scarf; sprayed bug repellent on my skirt, legs and feet, rubber gloves and off I went - to war with my broom!! I am no long afraid of spiders !!
I traveled back to Yaoundé today - Sunday - because I need to open a bank account on Monday so Peace Corps can pay me. I also need to stock up on stuff I need for the house, like buckets and bowls, and dry goods. The prices are better in the capital city.
The anti malaria pill I take each day is an antibiotic that tends to cause yeast infections - so guess what.... The anti filarial pills I take once a week (each Sat night) are very harsh and cause a lot of nausea, so guess what....(sorry if this is TMI - too much information) As it happens, I feel like crap, so I will take the opportunity to visit medical tomorrow as well ;-) Overall, I am in good spirits and I know I will feel a lot better in a day or two. I travel back to Lolodorf on Tuesday, so I'll be home that afternoon. Stage (training) was an absolute b*tch - it was like cultural boot camp. Now that it’s over and I am settling into post, I feel a lot stronger and more confident. I plan to stay at post (in Lolodorf) for about a month. All the travel and excitement has taken it toll and I need to rest and get to know my town.
In Lolo there is no running water. I have a 4 ft tall barrel in my kitchen that we fill from the local water source. It’s an underground source and the water is very fresh and clean. I bathe with it and wash my clothes and dishes with it. I filter my drinking water. Normally we have electricity, but the power has been out for a week now and we don't know when it will come back on - hopefully in a few days. There is a place in town with a reliable generator who only charges 200CFA to recharge a cell phone but I may keep my phone turned off at times - to conserve the power for necessary usage. There is no internet service in Lolo either, but there is another village about an hour away that has a cyber cafe. I will try to make it there in a week of two to check email.
;-) Christine
A "bush taxi" is van that travels between villages. Some are smaller and have seats for about 20 people with all the "stuff" loaded on the top. Now, here in Africa, if a van "seats 20 people" that means we can pack in about 30 people !! And they do - every time !! So its 3 to 4 hours shoulder to shoulder and thigh to thigh with your neighbors, who sometimes carry children or live chickens on their laps - really. Goats are too big to fit in the bush taxi so they get tied up - on top - really !!
Anyway, back to my itinerary, I traveled to my post, all alone, like a big girl, on Friday. I was super apprehensive that morning about my big adventure and finally starting my new life for the next 2 years. All went well and I spent the first night alone and not nervous or scared in my new house. I spent half the day Sat, cleaning the spiders and spider webs out of my bedroom. I covered my hair with a scarf, my nose and mouth with another scarf; sprayed bug repellent on my skirt, legs and feet, rubber gloves and off I went - to war with my broom!! I am no long afraid of spiders !!
I traveled back to Yaoundé today - Sunday - because I need to open a bank account on Monday so Peace Corps can pay me. I also need to stock up on stuff I need for the house, like buckets and bowls, and dry goods. The prices are better in the capital city.
The anti malaria pill I take each day is an antibiotic that tends to cause yeast infections - so guess what.... The anti filarial pills I take once a week (each Sat night) are very harsh and cause a lot of nausea, so guess what....(sorry if this is TMI - too much information) As it happens, I feel like crap, so I will take the opportunity to visit medical tomorrow as well ;-) Overall, I am in good spirits and I know I will feel a lot better in a day or two. I travel back to Lolodorf on Tuesday, so I'll be home that afternoon. Stage (training) was an absolute b*tch - it was like cultural boot camp. Now that it’s over and I am settling into post, I feel a lot stronger and more confident. I plan to stay at post (in Lolodorf) for about a month. All the travel and excitement has taken it toll and I need to rest and get to know my town.
In Lolo there is no running water. I have a 4 ft tall barrel in my kitchen that we fill from the local water source. It’s an underground source and the water is very fresh and clean. I bathe with it and wash my clothes and dishes with it. I filter my drinking water. Normally we have electricity, but the power has been out for a week now and we don't know when it will come back on - hopefully in a few days. There is a place in town with a reliable generator who only charges 200CFA to recharge a cell phone but I may keep my phone turned off at times - to conserve the power for necessary usage. There is no internet service in Lolo either, but there is another village about an hour away that has a cyber cafe. I will try to make it there in a week of two to check email.
;-) Christine
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.JPG)
