November 15; 2007 : Meanwhile …back in Lolodorf…

The beginnings here were very difficult and that was when I felt at my most vulnerable. Things are a lot more stable now and I am enjoying my new life. It is sad to admit this, but I felt a burden lift off of me with my mom’s passing. I did not realize to what extent the situation had weighed on my heart and mind for all those months. The essential thing was always that mom make her peace with God and ask Jesus to come into her heart and fill the place with love that had held so much pain for so long. The Lord kept me far away so that she could not rely on me in His place. Each time she talked to me there was so much fear in her and I could do nothing to alleviate it. God is good but people will wear you out!!! Anyway, now is a time of new beginnings and I embrace it. I found it amusing that my best friend in the states and I each think the other is “strong”. I wasn’t feeling very strong, but at least I know how to fall forward!!

I love the long crazy emails that my friends and family have sent. They make me laugh and I feel connected. Sometimes I just need to touch something familiar to remind myself that I am not so isolated. I am slowly making friends and learning how things work here. Sometimes there is all the drama of a sloppy soap opera here in such a small town. Hearing about the adventures of daily life in the sates reminds me that life goes on – everywhere !!

Life here is good – but VERY different. Everyday brings a new unexpected dilemma. For example, Lolodorf now has a cyber café, and Pierrot, the guy who runs it – really knows his stuff. He is nice and intelligent and honest. These also happen to be the three traits that characterize those I call “friends” here. So many people here have their own agenda in dealing with me. Being “white” in Africa means automatically that you are rich, and have access to powerful people to get things done. In some measure they are right, by comparison to their situation, I am rich and powerful. Being “white” is more about being from a developed nation ten about skin color. All Americans, of all colors, are considered “white”. An African, who has traveled, obtained an education and adopted occidental ways, is also called “white man” by his village and family.

Now, back to today’s dilemma, we have a cyber, but power is irregular and he uses a generator when the power is down. Generators are notoriously unstable and often fry the things they are connected to. Well, that is what happened yesterday. It fried his server, modem and another computer. No more Internet for a while until he travels to Yaoundé and buys a new modem – when he can afford it, that is!!!! As I spoke of before, the bank where I work has 5 computers – 3 of which worked before I left. While I was gone certain persons decided that they needed the tables for a political rally downtown. So they came in and put my computers on the ground, pushed buttons on the regulators and left with my tables. (1) It’s been 2 weeks and the tables are still not back. (2) Because the regulators were left depressed – that is ON – the batteries are now ruined and are quite expensive to replace. (3) I was frustrated by the attitude (on the part of certain persons) that I should buy things for the bank - like a projector or a generator. (4) I was also in a bind about preparing lesson plans for the computer classes that I want to launch. Each time I tried to work – the power went out!! (5) I was also concerned about the price we were going to charge for the classes because I think we were going to run into a conflict about how the money should be used (and not end up in someone’s pocket!!) The good news in all this ?!? The good news is that my dilemma with the bank and the computer classes is temporarily resolved. They flocked up the computers and can therefore no longer pressure me about when I will start classes. I can still work offline at Pierrot’s cyber café without the pressure of a deadline, and Pierrot will eventually get another modem. Life will go on and I will too.